For 40 years, I struggled from the effects of trauma. For most of those years, I did not even understand what trauma was. Bit by bit, my answers came and slowly I started putting the pieces together.
Awareness came at a heavy cost as I started to see all the ways trauma had affected my life, my relationships, my decisions, my marriage, and my love for myself. I found it painful to realize trauma had been running the show for a long time.
Awareness was the first step, but there were many other steps I had to take. I had to own the trauma and the part it played in my life. I spent hours seeking healing with gifted practitioners releasing the trauma and reframing all the false beliefs I had about myself. I began to make progress.
In 2017, in the space of 6 months, I had 4 major traumas in my life. I would barely recover from one and get hit by the next. The trauma came from all aspects of my life: personal, business, community, religion, friends. It was more than I could bear. I was having trauma triggers daily, hourly sometimes, and I was paralyzed in my life. I could not move forward. I finally got on my knees and asked God what He wanted me to learn? I promised to learn it - whatever the lesson - if he would stop any more trauma from happening. The spirit whispered to me: "You need to learn about trauma."
I committed to do it. I read books about trauma. I sought experts to teach me about trauma, I became trained in a trauma release technique so I could help others who were facing trauma. I started incorporating trauma release into my work. I started teaching about trauma, helping others to recognize the trauma in their lives. I made peace with the trauma in my life and continued to pursue my own healing.
Then one day, last September, a miracle happened. In an experience too personal to share, I was healed. Healed of my trauma. Completely. It is still incomprehensible to me and I ponder the miracle every day. But I have not had a trauma trigger in my life since. Only the power of God could have created that miracle.
Grateful was my first response. I cried and cried as I tried to take it all in. Overwhelmed came next. Could this healing be real? Was it possible my trauma was being taken away? Then I felt overjoyed. I could hardly comprehend what had happened.
At some point, I realized that I had been dealing with the trauma for 40 years. I became a little upset thinking - if God could take it away, and God was willing to take it away, why did he wait SO LONG to heal me? I cried thinking of all the pain the trauma had caused in my life, and in my relationships. I cried thinking of all the self doubt and self sabotage because of how much the trauma had affected my self worth. I cried and let the pain of the trial flow through me. Finally, I calmed down enough to listen. I wanted to be fully grateful but my spirit needed understanding.
I asked God why? Why was I receiving the healing now? After 40 years??? The spirit whispered, "You have learned enough."
The words sank deep into my heart. All of this was for my learning and growth.
And so, my friend, whatever you are dealing with -- whatever trial comes your way, know that your trial is your teacher. God is not ignoring you. God is not overlooking you. God has not forgotten about you. It is not because you are not righteous enough. God isn't waiting for you to be perfect to heal you. God is ever mindful of you. He loves you enough to let you suffer through whatever you need to, to learn exactly what you came here to learn. If you are not healed, it is not an oversight. God is with you as your loving teacher guiding you through it.
Sending my faith, love and prayers to you that you will be strong and meek to endure whatever trial you face. ~big hugs! Photo by Lukas Rychvalsky from Pexels